Restart after interruption of few days

I had a big interruption in writing my diary, but now it’s really important. It’s very important. It’s enormously important to start it again, otherwise it would be difficult to overcome all the hesitations, all the feelings of being unable to write English again. I would be afraid that I could stop my eagerness to learn and to improve my English. I want to have my English in the best state of speaking it without hesitation, without being inhibited, without looking for vocabulary. I don’t like to speak my English and to write my English while looking into the German background. It must be English by myself, coming from my English head, from the English part of my head, and so I hope the new start will be successful. Yes, having had an interruption in speaking and writing English, it’s a very big challenge to find the way anew in this field and to come to a point where I am satisfied with my English competence.